What a Life!

People talk about what is important to them. Here are some of the words Ben uses most often:

“Daddy!”

“Bye-bye.” When Daddy is leaving for work. He waves, too, when he says this.

“Hat.” His first word, still one of his favorites.

“Outside.” When I put my walking clothes on or get his jacket.

“Shoes.” “Socks.” He loves them, is obsessed with them, but if we let him wear them inside, he takes them off after a while. Actually, he takes them off outside too. Yesterday I let him stay outside an hour after I saw him take his shoes and socks off. It was 40 degrees outside. His feet were still toasty warm, though.

“Truck.” He loves playing with his trucks. When he wakes up in the morning, the first thing he looks for is a truck to play with.

He says other things, but those are the things he says the most.

Things Ben never says…because they’re not important to him?

“Mommy.”

Steve tries to console me and tell me that since I am always there, Ben thinks I am an extension of himself. I’m part of his landscape, a constant in his life. Everything else comes and goes, so he talks about it. But Mommy is always there.

I don’t know. Most of the time when I leave, it’s in the evening and Ben is busy getting ready for bed. Sometimes I’ll leave for a bit on the weekend, and he’s happy to see me when I come home, but he doesn’t run over to the door and say “Mommy! Mommy!” like he does when Daddy comes home.

When he wakes up in the morning, he comes out of his room. Sometimes I’m the first person he sees, but he never stops looking until he finds Daddy. Then he follows Daddy around all morning until Daddy leaves for work.

I try to tell myself it’s just an extension of the “break” I get when Steve is home.

But it’s still hard not to feel rather small.