What a Life!

I am still a knitter, even though it doesn’t seem like it lately.

Steve’s new job has him leaving for work at 7:00, which means he gets up at 6:00. He used to get up at 6:40. I got up at 5:00 (as I do now) and I usually had two quiet hours to myself before he came back upstairs after his shower.

When I get up early in the morning, I am very quiet so everyone stays asleep and I can have some quiet time for myself. I shuffle my feet. I turn door knobs and shut doors very quietly. I heat water for my tea in the microwave but I stop the microwave before it buzzes at the end so the beeps of my setting it are the only noise.

My husband, on the other hand, talks out loud to me from across the room and then pulls the door shut without turning the doorknob when he goes downstairs. I’m not saying these things are what wakes the boys up every morning. I can tell you that they’ve been getting up earlier and earlier. This morning, they were up before Steve’s alarm went off.

My sister called me yesterday. Susie has achieved mobility, and Traci wanted to know how I manage to get anything done. I told her about my every present battle: when I have a few quiet moments to myself, like in the morning or when Joey naps, do I frantically try to be productive and get things done, or do I take some much needed quiet time for myself? Not getting things done can stress me out, but so can not getting my quiet time.

Last week I was so tired I hardly wanted to knit. I have to be really out of sorts to not want to knit. But I was just exhausted, and when I did have time to knit here and there, I simply didn’t have the energy.

I didn’t go to knitting at Barnes & Noble on Wednesday night because we were having storms. [That stressed me out in its own right.] Then Saturday, it was Worldwide Knit in Public day and we were all meeting to knit down at the Haymarket. But I didn’t go because I was just too tired.

Even as we speak, Joey is sleeping so Ben is supposed to be playing outside. That’s the rule when Joey naps. But he keeps coming in, wanting something. Strawberries. A banana. This time it’s applesauce. I spent all morning with him at Vacation Bible School. I put in three hours of 100% devoted attention. Can’t he leave me alone? Please? If he wakes up Joey with all this coming in and going out…

I’ve done so little knitting recently that I feel as though I’ve almost forgotten what my knitting projects are. Like they’re some distant memory.

It’s not that I have knitting deadlines I’m trying to meet. It’s that in order to knit, I need a certain amount of peace and quiet, a certain amount of ability to focus on one thing without being distracted. It’s not being able to reach that certain frame of mind that wears me down.

In fact, I have a lace shawl on my needles. Ability to focus and not make errors is critical with lace. No listening to podcasts or watching tv. Being tired is a recipe for disaster. I enjoy knitting lace, and I love having a few moments when I can achieve that level of concentration on a regular basis. But I haven’t picked up that project in over a week. [Where is it, anyway?]

The photo above is of a summer knit for myself. Cotton. A shell with lace on the shoulders. I am down to the end, the fun part. A bit of lace. But it is taking forever because I cannot seem to find the kind of quality time necessary to finish it. I want to enjoy knitting it as much as I want to enjoy wearing it. Before the end of the summer.

For now, what I really want to do is take a nap. But Ben wants some yogurt. And then he’ll want some cheese…