What a Life!

I know it’s July, the middle of the summer, hottest month of the year, and you’re probably on vacation. But I’m writing you anyway because there’s something I really, really, REALLY want.

A new camera.

I know, I have a nice one right now. One I’ve only had for a mere five months. One I’ve taken almost 4000 pictures with. But that’s the thing. I’ve used it so much that my skills have simply outgrown it.

It’s what I call a faux dSLR. I used to have a SLR…with film. A Canon Rebel, in fact, which I loved. I took lots of pictures with it when Ben was born, but nowhere as many as I’ve taken of Joey since I got my current camera. Film is just too expensive. But I love taking pictures and capturing all those fleeting moments. Time flies, and children grow up so quickly.

I also love using the manual settings on my camera. I’m not someone who just puts it in Auto and shoots away. I shoot mostly in P while venturing at times into aperture-priority mode. I mess with the settings a lot in those modes. The camera I have now actually responds when I change those settings, in contrast to the camera I had previously which had many of the same things that you could theoretically adjust but never made any difference in how the photo came out.

I bought my current camera instead of another Canon Rebel – a digital one – because I thought I could use the settings and see if I was really into photography. I simply couldn’t justify buying an expensive camera if I wasn’t going to use it. But like I said, not only have I really used my camera – 4000 pictures in a mere 5 months – I also have learned to use the manual settings that make an SLR so much fun. And I want to mess with various settings some more. But alas! I cannot. Not with this camera, at least.

There are so many cute pictures of my boys that I miss every day. Joey standing in his crib. Ben reading his books. Ben and Joey playing together. I miss those shots because my camera doesn’t take good pictures in low-light situations (aka inside). Either I have to bump up the ISO and get lots of noise (what they call “grain” in high-speed film), or I have to use the flash which makes things two-dimensional by erasing the natural shadows. Yuck! I just cringe every time I miss a good photo opportunity. These are the moments of our lives, and they will soon be gone. I want to catch at least some of them so I can remember…so I can treasure these moments long after they are gone…so I can more fully enjoy those moments now because I stopped and consciously took note of them. There are so many of those moments that I’m not enjoying to the fullest, all because my camera is the pits when I try to use it inside.

The camera I want would do all of those things and more. It’s the Canon Rebel XTi from Adorama, where I bought my last camera. I know I could get the Canon Rebel XT for a little less, but if I’m going to spend this much money, I think the XTi is a better investment. I’m all about taking good pictures to start with, rather than spending lots of money on editing tools, which is the path I would have to take in order to survive with my current camera, and the results still would be nowhere near as stellar. The XTi is very similar to the XT, but it has higher resolution which means better quality cropped pictures. I do a lot of cropping. And buying a better camera now will keep me happier longer with that camera, which lessens the likelihood of needing to upgrade again soon in order to do more things. The XTi has a few features that are more like the 30D, which would be the next step up. I’m just trying to make the most of every dollar I spend.

Then instead of getting the kit lens that typically comes with the camera, I want to get a fast prime lens instead. The cost is about the same (since they charge less for just the camera body), but it is said to take amazing pictures in low-light situations – the same kind of situations I’m struggling with right now. It may not zoom like my current camera, but the added resolution – from the 6MP I have right now to 10MP – allows for lots of cropping. And using a prime lens will sharpen my skills as a photographer. It’ll force me to get up and position myself for the best shot instead of being a couch potato and just using the zoom to get close. That’s the next step I want to take in becoming a better photographer.

My skills have sharpened so much with the camera I have now. I’m getting much better at composition. I’m much better at using manual settings to get what I want. I’ve gotten some great pictures with my current camera. I would take even more great pictures with the new camera. I take pictures almost every day so it’s not like I’m going to buy this expensive camera and then not use it. I’ve proved myself with my current camera – both my skills and my interest in photography. I think it goes without saying that I would so use and love my new camera.

Selling the camera I have now would pay for a third of the cost of the new camera I want. The other two-thirds…well, that’s the question. We’re getting a little bit of extra unexpected cash from my grandparent’s estate. That would more than cover the cost of this camera, perhaps even without selling the old one. My husband wanted to use the money to buy a new front door for our house. I’ve agreed to the purchase of a new front door, but I don’t want to use my grandparent’s money for it. I used some of that money to buy my piano, which I play almost every day and which I will take with me if we move. A new door on the house we would leave behind if we moved, which is why I would rather use other money to fund that purchase. A new camera I would use almost every day, and I would have it for a long, long time. Not only would I remember my grandparents as I used it, I would be capturing new memories as well, a very appropriate tribute to the precious memories I have of them. There would still be lots of money leftover from my grandparents to invest, which is what I want to do with the rest of it.

But then I worry that I should be saving the money instead of spending it. Right now a good portion of it is in our emergency savings account, the money we would use if – God forbid – all of a sudden my husband found himself without a job so we wouldn’t have to touch the credit cards right away, though there is plenty of credit sitting around on them since they are by no means anywhere near maxed out. Or perhaps the air conditioner would break, and we’d need a whole new one. Or one of us would be in an accident and we’d need to cover the deductible and dip into our savings for a down payment on a new vehicle. There are all sorts of calamities that might happen for which I might wish I had stashed away that little bit of money instead of using it.

I keep waffling on this issue. I would tell my husband about my waffling, but he is a strong man who takes his responsibilities seriously. He is hard enough on himself already that he doesn’t provide better for his family, so that we can just go out and buy things we want without thinking, as everyone else seems to do. I try to tell him that we have a wonderful life, filled with abundance…that abundance isn’t how much you have but rather how much you use and enjoy the things you have. If there were a way to calculate mileage in terms of how much happiness you get out of every dollar you spend, the mileage we get would give the best hybrid car a run for it’s money. We live a very rich life in those terms. But I still hesitate to tell him that I want to use a little bit of windfall to buy something I will really use and enjoy, something that will bring us and many other people joy for a long time thanks to the memories I will be able to capture. Am I being too hard on myself?

Like I said, I know it’s July, the middle of the summer, hottest month of the year, and you’re probably closed for business. In fact, you may not even read this letter for quite some time. But that’s okay. Thanks for listening.

Tana