Why it is so difficult to pottytrain Ben
Jun 8th, 2007 by Tana
Note which way the handlebars are facing…
Yeah, Ben has his own ideas about how things should be done, as illustrated above. And he is very set in his ways. Sometimes like cement – all mixed up and permanently set. Or so it seems.
And people wonder why he isn’t potty trained yet…as though I’m not trying hard enough…or even making any effort.
Now really, do you think I enjoy cleaning up poopy diapers from a three-year-old? Wet ones are bad enough; poopy ones are awful. He’ll know he’s poopy and he’ll just keep playing and it’ll get dried on his back and he’ll sit in his favorite chair and get poop on it (all of this occurs outside where I can hear him playing so I don’t necessarily run out and check on him every fifteen minutes to see if he’s pooped or anything).
My mom sent us this book she used to potty train my sister and me: Toilet Training in Less Than a Day. I’ve scanned through it, and we’ve done 90% of what they suggest in this book. The main things we haven’t done are having a doll that can go potty and who you praise excessively so he can see how the dolly has wet pants and dry pants – but he already understands that. He knows when he’s wet or stinky – he just doesn’t care to bother to do anything about it.
And then you’re supposed to do these concentrated sessions where you give them their favorite drinks like pop, juice, chocolate milk, etc….but our dear Ben refuses to drink anything but water. And you’re supposed to give them salty snacks to make them thirsty – things like potato chips, peanuts…they have a whole list of things, all of which he refuses to eat. He won’t even eat candy so that’s out of the question too. I’ve tried the concentrated sessions like that with things like promising him a story as a reward – he loves stories – but even stories weren’t motivation enough to do what he was supposed to do on the potty.
Oh, and they’re supposed to relax when they sit on the potty. When he sits on the potty – even for thirty seconds – he does all these contortions and moves the potty around and on and on. Believe me – you would be amazed at how many ways you might possibly sit on the potty once you’ve watched Ben for a few minutes. And you can’t pee or poop if you’re doing all sorts of contortions like that.
But I do have good news – a year ago when we went to Florida in May, when we saw the landrovers in the Mars exibit, Ben called them “kucks” which was his word for trucks at the time. Now he saws “trucks” clearly and correctly. Obviously all the money we’ve spent on those expensive speech therapy sessions has been worth it. Oh wait…we didn’t take him to speech therapy. And eventually, on his own time, he did figure it out.
In fact, when he turned three, I was still spoon-feeding him most of the time because he refused to feed himself. Shortly after that, I got fed up with it so I’d leave him in the room all by himself with a spoon and a bowl full of food and if he didn’t want to feed himself, he could just go hungry. Our pediatrician’s comment at his three-year check-up was that he needed some siblings so that I wouldn’t have so much time to wait on him. Well, we have Joey now, for what it’s worth.
But he still is not one of those children who wants to do things “by myself.” No, he’s perfectly happy for you to wait on him. In fact, the other day, we were in a hurry to leave for an appointment in town and I forgot that I hadn’t fed him lunch yet so I quickly got out a yogurt and fed it to him myself so I didn’t have to get his chair out, put a bib on him, wait while he slowly ate, and then clean up a big mess. I asked him as I was feeding him if he liked being fed like that – he smiled and said, “Yes.” He’s just so happy to be waited on…so of course he prefers having his diapers changed rather than having to pull his pants down and sit on the potty himself.
We’ve taken away his favorite toys when he’s had accidents and told him he couldn’t get them back until he used the potty….and they just sat up where we put them. He even asked about them often (though less and less), but he has yet to earn them back. He can explain to you how going potty works and tell you all about how mommy and daddy sit on the potty and what they do so it’s not like he doesn’t understand. He’s just dowright lazy – that’s all.
I’m sure eventually we’ll figure out some way to make it worth it to him to use the potty. There’s still hope. But for now, I have no idea how or when it’s going to happen.
there is the method where the kid wears no clothes (probably should be in an area where he can’t mess up too much carpet, etc.) and has a toilet or potty near by and is in charge of taking care of business. And there are those folks who when the kid is capable have the child clean up the poop. I have never tried either of these methods, by the way. What does John Rosemond say about potty training?
I have a son who is now 16. He didn’t speak in any language we could understand until he was maybe 3. He also had trouble with blended sounds. He also potty trained late, 3 1/2 and was the poster child for anal retentive because he would hold onto his bowls until they were compacted further complicating matters.
HE IS ABSOLUTELY FINE now. We spent thousands on speech therapy also. He is bright and very introspective. He has strong determination and can self teach himself anything. He can overcome things by will power alone. He taught himself to ride his bike without training wheels because he was determined to do so.
I have 3 children and they all are different and do things at their own individual pace. Unless you can find something clinically wrong with your child, don’t force him. Children take time, lots of time to come into their own.
Oh Ben, My Ben! We love you just the way you are and will always love you, however you are. And Mommy? Thanks for being a good Mommy. We love you too, just the way you are.
Hi! Yes, you were the stranger in my comments section! Thanks for responding so that I could find you…I’ve added you to my Bloglines so I can keep up 🙂
Perhaps Ben would like to sit on the big potty? I haven’t read far back so I don’t know if you’ve tried that, but it worked wonders for my youngest. While he never would go on the little potty, sitting him on the regular toilet worked every time.