What a Life!

Okay, if you’re unemployed and the place where you are living has been sold and the new owner wants to let his daughter live in your apartment…you need a place to stay while you continue your job search.

First of all, we understand that you want to work in Small City, but considering the fact that you’ve gotten two job offers in Large City and no offers in Small City, perhaps you ought to continue searching in both Large City and Small City and take whatever you get since you soon will have no place to live. Just saying is all…

Then, if you’re going to be staying with someone else, yes, the host needs to be gracious, but you as a guest need to be gracious also. Two-way street here.

For example, if Gracious Host who does not smoke asks that if you choose to smoke, you do so at least 20 feet from the house and not in front of the children, you need to be a Gracious Guest and oblige. Smoking right outside the door once when you come to visit three times a year is fine; smoking immediately outside the door multiple times on a daily basis will make that part of the house smell of cigarette smoke even when you are not there smoking. Gracious Host has said that implement weather can be an exception. But as Gracious Guest, you need to understand the affect that your smoking has on other people and be accomodating. No one is lecturing you on how smoking is bad for you or telling you that you should quit; they are simply asking that if you choose to smoke, you do so politely.

When you offer to give your mattress to Gracious Host since you won’t be using it and they need a new one, if they say no thank-you because your furniture smells like cigarette smoke, you need to understand that they are rejecting the mattress, not you. We understand that you smoke only in your basement with the window open and the air filter on and we appreciate every effort you make to reduce the smell of cigarette smoke in your apartment. At the same time, as non-smokers, we can still smell the cigarette smoke in your furniture. While we appreciate your offer to give us your mattress, we are simply saying “No, thank you” to your offer. Please be a Gracious Guest and do not get upset about Gracious Host not wanting your mattress.

In the home of Gracious Host, there is a TV and a radio upstairs in the living room, and there is another TV and radio downstairs in the family room. Gracious Host is very sensitive to cloudy days and lack of sunlight so Gracious Host normally spends the majority of her time upstairs with the curtains wide open and the sun shining in. Since you have heavy blinds covered by lace curtains that restrict the amount of light entering your home, Gracious Host is assuming that a basement with daylight windows will not be too bright to bother you. Since Gracious Host prefers to be upstairs, Gracious Host has offered that you can choose the TV or radio station downstairs as a general rule. Even though it is our space, you can kind of consider it your space and be the one to call the shots there. This is not a judgment on how you dress the windows in your home. It is simply an observation of differences in styles and a desire to accomodate everyone by giving them “space” where they will be most comfortable.

When Gracious Host mentions that she spends very little time watching TV because of the high-pitched squeal it has while it is on which gives her a headache, you need to understand that having the TV on all day as background noise even though volume is down low or muted simply may not work for Gracious Host. If there are specific shows you like to watch, by all means, watch them. But if you like having noise on in the background all day, kindly turn on the radio instead of the TV. Gracious Host is not asking that you listen to classical music all day as she does – she is simply asking that you listen to the radio instead of the TV.

When you are staying with someone else as a guest in their home, it puts a strain on everyone. There are some things that tax some people’s patience more than others. If you know what those things are and can avoid them as much as possible, things will go far more smoothly. Gracious Host has simply let you know what things will exhaust her patience very quickly. If you want everyone to be happy and get along, it would be in your best interest to abide by those simple requests as much as possible.

Please remember, even though Gracious Host’s pantry is downstairs in the utility room for lack of space in the kitchen, she has offered to keep your favorite foods around so that you will feel comfortable. The fact that she prefers Mayonnaise and you prefer Miracle Whip is not a judgment on who is a better person – it is simply a difference in preference. Gracious Host has offered to stock Miracle Whip, iced tea, diet Pepsi, and any other things you keep around and enjoy regularly in your own home. No, she does not have room for those things – but she will be happy to make room so that you can be comfortable.

You will have the downstairs bathroom exclusively to yourself. Gracious Host says she cleans the house once a week – every Friday. If you can help with the cleaning, that would be great, but Gracious Host will personally see to it that the cleaning gets done regardless. If you would like to clean more often, feel free. Gracious Host does at least one load of laundry daily. Simply let her know when you need to do some laundry, and she will be happy to make sure her things are out of your way. It’s all part of getting along when staying in someone else’s home.

Gracious Host has made it clear what the basic ground rules are going to be so you know what to expect and can make an informed decision as to whether staying with Gracious Host is what you want to do while you are between jobs. The last thing Gracious Host wants is for you to come to her home and then find out staying there is not like what you thought it would be. While no one can see the future perfectly, discussing the apparently obvious in advance gives you an idea of what to expect things will be like both in terms of daily routines and negotiation styles. Gracious Host wants you to feel welcome in her home and wants to make everyone as comfortable as possible. That meast both Gracious Host and Gracious Guest will have preferences, and both will also make concessions. Again, it’s a two-way street.

Now…calling other family members and crying on the phone about how Gracious Host is not making you feel welcome in her home because won’t let you smoke your cigarettes, she won’t let you bring your furniture into her home, she won’t let you watch TV, and she doesn’t like your lace curtains…indeed, by doing that, you will find that all of a sudden you are not a welcome guest in the home of Gracious Host. Calling someone else and crying and telling them how horrible Gracious Host is, is not a manner becoming of a Gracious Guest. For someone to feel welcome in someone else’s home, it requires both a Gracious Host and a Gracious Guest. You need to play your role of Gracious Guest as honorably as you think Gracious Host should play her role. Anything less will indeed make you very unwelcome in the home of Gracious Host very quickly. Is there any part of – You need to do your part and be a Gracious Guest – that you do not understand?

Just saying is all…