What a Life!

My parents bought this truck for Ben for his birthday to play with in his sand box, which has yet to get sand put in it. Anyway…we have rocks up in the flower beds behind the house and Ben decided to “put away” some of the rocks away. Usually he’s throwing the rocks so I was happy for break from that.

We got a refund from Menards for some paint we bought in the form of a gift certificate. So Steve went shopping and found this little chair for Ben. Now Ben thinks he’s big stuff.

For some reason, Ben decided that he needed to put as many toys as possible under his rocking horse in order to be able to ride it properly.

Ben likes to put things away. Sometimes I’m surprised at where he decides things belong. This happens to be one of his shirts that had not yet made it to the laundry hamper.

Steve left for a fishing trip this morning and won’t be back until tomorrow so I am single for a day and can do all the weird things I used to do before I had to act normal because someone knew what I was doing with my time. It’s not as bad as you think.

But seriously…I don’t have to relax and watch tv on Saturday night – I can work on a project instead, if I want to, and no one will make fun of me (not that Steve does, it’s just that I still think he would think I was weird if I did such a thing). Saturday night is supposed to be for fun. When I was a kid, it was always a family night, and usually we invited friends over for the evening. When I lived in Maryland, I didn’t entertain (though secretly I would love to, but Steve doesn’t think our house is nice enough…bah humbug!), but I would work on projects like sewing clothes or re-organizing my Daytimer. Those are things I do that are fun and help me re-charge my batteries. Watching a movie was never on my list of fun things to do on Saturday night.

This afternoon I serged those diapers I assembled a few weeks ago. This morning I tried to get my new flats to work. I can’t say they’re a success yet, but I not ready to write them off as a failure either. But working on diapers would be another activity that would bore Steve so I usually do it when he’s not around.

This evening I can also cook food for Ben, do some laundry, and maybe read a book or knit. I’ll tidy the house, perhaps do a bit of cleaning (dusting and mirrors, I’m thinking), and clean up the kitchen. I’ll feel happy because I have accomplished things.

Steve’s always saying that I’m “wife material” rather than “girlfriend material.” I still am not sure completely what that means, but I think it has to do with the fact that I would rather cook a nice meal myself than eat out and other stuff like that. I’m not ugly, but neither am I some trophy you would want to go bar-hopping with. I’m not big on bar-hopping anyway.

The problem with being single for a day is usually that I don’t get my break from Ben. He’s taking a long nap, though, and he hasn’t been too bad today. I still need to pick up his toys – Steve got them all back out so they’re all over the basement and they’re driving me crazy!

Don’t get me wrong – I love being married and having Steve around. It’s just that I get to fall back into my old ways for a day while he’s gone on his fishing trip. Oh what fun I will have!

I hate Thursdays! They are always an absolute disaster no matter what I do.

Ben loves music so I’ve enrolled him in Music Together classes, which he loves. They are Thursday morning at 10:00 a.m. They used to be at 10:30, which was more manageable for us, but then the last two sessions have been at 10:00 because some parent needed them moved back or they couldn’t make it due to a conflict. (Perhaps their lives are overscheduled – just a thought.)

Anyway, my being somewhere by 10:00 in the morning is an absolute nightmare. I know that sounds really lame, because when I worked I had to be somewhere much earlier than that. But I’m a SAHM now, and like I said, being somewhere like 10:00 is an absolute nightmare.

I’m a morning person. If you want to ask me a favor, the earlier in the day that you ask, the more likely you are to get a yes. I get up early and by noon I am out of steam and no longer in take-initiative mode. I do my best thinking in the morning because I am full of energy and optimism. At night, I know that you are supposed to think about the next day and plan your day, but I can never do that because I’m too tired to be excited about anything and thinking about what I need to do just makes me depressed so I end up crying and going to bed. Seriously. I am not a night person. But first thing in the morning, I can plan a great day and make a fabulous list of all the grand things I am going to accomplish.

If we have to leave the house by 10:00, I have to cut my routine short and spend my most “fertile” time of day going to town. Leaving for town at 11:00 works much better for us because by then I’m starting to run out of steam but I still have enough energy to run a few errands with a toddler in tow.

Furthermore, if we leave for town at 11:00, we get back around 1:00 and Ben falls asleep on the way home and takes a good nap. If we leave for town earlier, we either get home too early for him to fall asleep on the way home or he takes cat-naps while we’re driving around and basically he ends up not taking a nap. When he gets his nap, he sleeps through the night. When he doesn’t take a nap, he gets up three times and wants to nurse.

So basically our going to town for a 10:00 music class just creates 24 hours of hell. He’s grumpy because he hasn’t had his nap. I’m grumpy because I haven’t accomplished anything and I haven’t gotten my afternoon break while he takes a nap. Then we don’t sleep well and it’s just a complete disaster.

There are ten classes in each session. This morning’s class is the fourth one we will have missed. I feel guilty for not going. Ben loves those classes and I feel like a horrible mother to not get him there. But I also feel like a horrible mother if I take him because of how the rest of our day goes. So when we don’t make it to class (as is the case today), it’s because by 9:30 I can tell we aren’t going to make it so I am walking around the house in tears having my own meltdown.

I hate Thursdays!

Today was the last week of this session. The instructor was late on week so he said he would add on an extra class, which would be next week. I’m thinking I might “forget” about it. I just cannot handle another Thursday like this.

Supposedly beginning with the next session, they will offer more classes at different times. The 10:00 class happens to be the only daytime class, and evenings don’t work for us. I don’t know when the next session starts – probably some time in July. It’s the summer session so it will only last six weeks instead of ten. I would really like for Ben to go, but I can only manage it if it’s at a reasonable hour.

I know I sound like a wimp. I’m a SAHM so I have all the time in the world, right? During the school year, we have storytime at the library on Tuesdays (at 11:15). Then we have Music Together class on Thursdays, and play group on Friday mornings. It’s not like our life is overly scheduled. I should be able to do this. But I can’t. I just hate Thursday’s because it’s a nightmare if we make it to class, and it’s a nightmare if we don’t.