What a Life!

Warning: This may be TMI (too much information) for some readers. Consider yourself warned…

Even though I gave birth a la natural, I must confess, ever since a few moments after Joey was born, I’ve been a complete basket case when it comes to pain. Seriously.

Immediately after the birth, I sat in the water and held Joey in my arms and just looked at him, taking everything in…that he was here, what he looked like, how he was breathing, etc. I had these great plans while I was still pregnant that I wanted to wait until the placenta came out on its own (usually within 20 minutes) to cut the cord. But a few minutes after Joey was born, I started to hurt and it just got worse and worse and worse. I wanted to get out of the tub so they could do something to make it feel better so we went ahead and cut the cord just to make it easier. Then I got on the bed and the midwife said I had a 2nd degree tear right over my old episiotomy scar. So she gave me local anesthetic and started to sew me up. I swear I felt every stitch! I kept telling her to give me more anesthetic and she kept stopping and doing that until she finally told me that she’d given me 10 cc’s of the stuff and that she couldn’t give me any more so I told her to just hurry up and get it over with while I winced at every stitch.

Once she sewed me up, my tear was really the least of my worries. Joeys head was only 13.5 inches in diameter (many babies heads measure 14 or even 15 inches), but let me tell you, I was sore. They put ice on that area and gave me 800-something of ibuprofin.

Many women complain about fundal massage. [They have to press down on your uterus to make sure it is clamping down (getting hard and small) so you don’t hemmorage.] The nurse definitely used some serious pressure, but I wouldn’t call that painful really. I’m thinking it was probably because my hormones were doing a good enough job that the fundal massage didn’t have to be so severe.

After a while, I asked for more pain-drugs and they gave me something else. They finally brought the numbing spray, which I never used with Ben except immediately after the epidural wore off. But I used that and the peri bottle and the drugs started to kick in and I felt a little better.

They sent me home with perscriptions for ibuprofin and something else. With Ben, I remember having lots of pills left over (and of course, I’d had the epidural during labor and delivery with him). This time, I took every single pill. Every time I stepped into the bathroom, I paid homage to my peri bottle and numbing spray. When we left the house, I used the large diaper bag and there was an entire pocket devoted just to things for me which included the peri bottle and numbing spray. I felt silly every time I lugged the diaper bag into the bathroom with me, but I’m telling you, it was a dire necessity.

Afterpains? Let me just say that you may not have your regular cycle for nine months, but in that first week after giving birth, your body makes up for it both in terms of bleeding and the intensity of cramps you feel. I do not have painless periods, and there were times when I was doubled over in pain from that wonderful cramping feeling you get called afterpains. It didn’t just happen when I nursed, either, though it was usually more intense then. I’d get them for an hour and I’d be lying on the bed using a heating pad and trying not to cry. Oh my!

But that’s not all. Let’s talk about breastfeeding. With Ben I learned that I am like a fire hydrant – I have lots of milk that comes out really fast, at times overwhelming the baby. With Ben, I got bloody nipples to the point where I just cried due to the pain and was unable to nurse. I was able to get help and he nursed successfully until he self-weaned at age 2 1/2. This time, things never got quite that bad, but it was no piece of cake either.

The thing about being a fire hydrant is that the baby does not necessarily need to latch on correctly in order to get milk. It’s also more difficult for them to get a correct latch if your breast is a rock due to being so full. So even though I knew what the issue was, I still ended up with sore, bloody nipples. We made our first trip to Milkworks for a consultation the day after Joey was born before my milk even came in. Generally, they want them to have one wet/dirty diaper the first day, two the second, three the third, etc. He had nursed really well the day he was born and passed most of his meconium that first night (I believe it took two or three days with Ben – he was so groggy from the epidural that he mostly slept the first 24 hours and then after that he was sleepy due to having jaundice and it was hard to get him to nurse). We never even checked Joey’s billirubin because he was nursing so much that the extra red blood cells got washed right out of his system with all that eating and all the diapers he was dirtying so he never even showed symptoms of jaundice.

We went to Milkworks for our first follow-up consultation on Thursday (day 3) and the next Monday when we went in again – four days later – between those two visits Joey had gained an entire pound. For reference, generally they want babies to gain 1/2 ounce to an ounce every day and reach their birth weight by day 14. Joey was 8 pounds at birth, on Thursday he was 7 pounds 9 ounces, and by Monday, he was 8 pounds 9 ounces. So he was doing well, but I was still suffering from engorgement and sore nipples.

Finally my doula recommended that I pump off the extra milk first thing in the morning to give myself a fresh start every day. The first morning I did that, I got 7 ounces of milk. At Milkworks we weighed Joey before and after each feeding, and at this age, they are very happy if baby gets 1 1/2 to 2 ounces per feeding so that tells you how much extra milk I have. Pumping was a great help in terms of latching issues – when my breasts weren’t so full of milk, it was easier to get a good latch and Joey had less gassiness and other symptoms of getting too much foremilk (the leaner milk) and not enough hindmilk (the richer stuff) as well.

I was hoping I would simply be able to pump a little less each day and gradually the engorgement would cease, but Friday morning (day 4 of pumping) I pumped 9 ounces from one side. Ach! So I talked with a lactation consultant from Milkworks over the phone and she recommended taking Sudafed which they generally tell nursing moms to avoid because it decreases your milk supply. I took my first dose Friday evening, four doses on Saturday, and even then, when we went to a party Saturday night (a friend of ours had just returned from spending a year in Iraq), it was a good thing I was wearing white because I had a wet spot on my shirt that was much larger than my breast pad. On Sunday, I took another two doses in accordance with the package directions, and by early afternoon, I was no longer engorged. What a relief! By that point, I had run out of my prescriptions. I had continued taking the ibuprofin because it helps reduce swelling, which can often be associated with engorgement. Hopefully from now on, over the counter medications will be sufficient.

I’m thinking perhaps my tolerance for pain over the last two weeks was compromised by the fact that my body was doing some serious healing. I mean, the uterus has to go from being the size of a basketball back down to the size of your fist. Add to that the area larger than my hand where the placenta was attached which is basically an open wound. Even though those things are not visible to the naked eye, the body has a lot of healing going on. As my belly shrinks, I seem to have more tolearance for pain and I am becoming less of a wimp. But let me tell you, like I said, I may have given birth a la natural, but ever since, I’ve been quite the whiney wimp about pain. It’s like I needed the epidural after the birth far more than I needed it during labor and delivery. Go figure!

Ah! The joys of getting a baby to sleep!

I remember with Ben, when I was in the hospital, I couldn’t put him down or he would wake up and cry regardless of how long he had been sleeping and how soundly I thought he was asleep. They tell you not to take your baby to bed with you in the hospital, but it seemed that I had no choice. So I was a bad patient and slept with the bed set so I was in a reclining position and Ben was on my chest. Even once we got home, I had to sleep in the recliner with him on my chest or he would wake up every time I tried to put him down. Finally, I mastered the art of swaddling and was able to get him to sleep in his bassinet if he was swaddled and lying on his tummy.

[I know…they’re not supposed to sleep on their tummies, but they need to sleep so you do what you have to do. Furthermore, from what I’ve read about SIDS, breastfeeding is actually more effective at preventing SIDS than all of the other advice they give you such as putting baby to sleep on its back, not having fluffy bedding in the crib, etc. Perhaps it has something to do with the breastmilk being easier to digest than formula and they sleep too deeply with formula. Who knows! Steve and I both sleep on our stomachs and hate sleeping on our backs, so it came as no surprise that Ben wouldn’t sleep on his back either.]

So along comes Joey and this time I was prepared for the same routine. I had my sling all ready so I could sleep without worrying what position Joey was in (you don’t want them to fall off your chest and get caught between you and the armrest and suffocate). So the first two nights, that is exactly what we did. He didn’t seem to like the sling very much, though. Perhaps it was because the woven fabric of my Maya Wrap had less give than he was accusstomed to inside me.

He also switched from being a very happy baby on day 1 to screaming hysterically every time he was put down, even if just for a diaper change. Ben was never that upset about being put down, but he’s not much of a communicator either. Joey gets very upset about being put down for any reason, but is immediately happy again when you pick him up.

On day 3, I wanted so badly to take a nap after lunch, and no one was available to hold Joey while he slept so I just took him to bed with me. He slept on his tummy right next to me just fine, to my surprise and satisfaction. We had the bed to ourselves so there was plenty of room. We each had our own covers, and he just snuggled up to me. And I felt so good after getting a good nap. He was also beginning to accept being put down on the changing table for a diaper change, though he still didn’t like being put down for other reasons (such as so Mommy could go to the bathroom…)

So Thursday night, I took him to bed with me. We have a bedrail that I used with Ben when he co-slept for a time. I put that on the bed and then slept on my side with my arm around Joey. I got tired of sleeping on my side, but at least I got to sleep. Friday night, I took him to bed with me again, and this time, I was able to change positions during the night without any problems. What a relief!

On Saturday, I was finally able to get him to sleep in his bassinet during naps. We had to be to the limp limbs stage of sleep, but once we got there, I would put the little burp cloth under his head since that was what it was on when he slept on my chest, and then I’d cover him with a blanket to make up for the lack of warmth from being next to me.

So Saturday night I probably could have put him in his bassinet once he was asleep. But I must confess…I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. When I’m sleeping, he seems so far away in that bassinet, even if I pull it up right along-side the bed. And if I bring him to bed with me, he doesn’t have to be in that limp limb stage of sleep, which means less time sitting on the couch waiting for him to be sound asleep.

At this point, we seem to have come to an arrangement that works for both of us. Dr. Sears talks about babies being heat seeking missiles when they sleep with their mommies, meaning that they migrate toward you at night. That seems to be true. I put him down about six inches from the side rail, and when I wake up, he is always further away from it rather than closer.

I’m sure eventually I will want to sleep by myself again. With Ben, we co-slept for a time, but he actually awoke and nursed more often when he slept next to me than he did when he slept in his crib, so in order to get more sleep myself, I put him back in his crib where he seemed to be perfectly happy. I must confess…I am a utilitarian when it comes to sleeping arrangements. However baby and I get the most sleep is how we’re going to do it.

They’re breastpads made of 100% wool. I had one finished, two finished pending burying ends, and the other not yet started before Joey arrived. I finished them this morning since I knew I would be needing them soon. Otherwise, my knitting needles have been resting peacefully on the shelf.

Ah, the joys of mothering a newborn! Namely, lack of sleep. Joey is just like Ben in that he hates being put down…as in, he expects to be held constantly. So, just as I did with Ben, I am spending nights on the couch, trying to hold baby while sleeping in the recliner. I have a sling so I put him in that which keeps him from falling off and ending up in a crevice where he can’t breathe or something. Just the same, it’s not the most comfortable position for me. And of course, there are multiple awakenings through the night.

It was along these lines that I received my first bit of unsolicited advice post-baby number two: Why don’t you pump some breastmilk and then Steve can give it to the baby in a bottle and you can get more sleep for one of those feedings?

Sounds like great advice, doesn’t it? Until you pause to think about it…

First of all, breastfed babies have to learn how to latch on correctly or the mother gets very sore nipples very quickly. For that reason, it’s recommended that you do not give baby an artificial nipples – bottle nipples or pacifiers – for at least six weeks.

Then, when we tried to get Ben to take a bottle so that I could leave him occasionally, I had Steve give it to him while I went to another part of the house. Breastfed babies generally have a strong preference for the breast over some plastic nipple and will not take a bottle from their mommies. Well, with Ben, Steve was unable to get him to take a bottle so I finally had to give it to him myself. So I’m thinking if Steve had to give Joey a bottle, I would end up having to get up anyway. Besides, he would have to mess around with getting the milk warm and so forth and so on, and when Joey wakes up to eat at night, he’s not a very patient guy.

Problem number three: breastfeeding is a supply and demand type thing. Baby nurses, the breasts make more milk so they’ll be ready the next time baby wants to eat. If you nurse baby and pump milk, the breasts think they need to step up production because demand is higher. Then you wait twice as long to nurse baby and the breasts don’t necessarily figure that out right away. It’s the perfect set-up for painful engorgement which can lead to plugged ducts and mastitis (serious infection). Before breastfeeding is well established (during the first six weeks or so), this balance is very delicate and serious problems can be created very quickly. So telling a new mother to just pump some milk to be given to baby so she can later skip a feeding is like telling engineers to stop a river so they have a dry bed to build a bridge on without considering what happens to the water that would be flowing through the river while the bridge is built.

So, dare I say, it was a very bad piece of advice. It came from an experienced mother, though not someone who breastfed her own babies. But just the fact that it came from an experienced mother makes a new mother feel like she should listen to what has been said…even if she knows the advice is complete hogwash. Ugh!

Needless to say, we will not be going down that path again this time. I spent way too much time with Ben, listening to advice from people who considered themselves experts when they only knew 10% of the information needed to make an informed decision. Granted, sometimes those looking in on a situation from the outside can see things that cannot be seen by those on the inside. Just the same, if you haven’t walked a mile in someone’s shoes, you shouldn’t consider yourself an expert on what they should do.

I swore before this baby was born that I was going to start trusting my instincts more and spend less time worrying about what other people thought I should do. This was the first test of that resolution. And no, Steve will not be giving the baby a bottle so I can get some extra sleep.

Baby Joey (Joseph Henry) arrived yesterday morning, October 23, at 8:47 a.m. He weighed exactly 8 pounds and is 19.5 inches long. Labor and delivery went very well – we had a waterbirth without any drugs or interventions for me or baby – so we were able to come home from the hospital yesterday afternoon. We will be enjoying a brief babymoom for the rest of the week as we rest and get to know our new baby. Once my Mom arrives on Friday, we will begin entertaining visitors on a limited basis and then gradually return to our regular activities. Ben is making the transition to big brother very well – last night when Steve put him to bed, he gave one of his teddy bears to Daddy to go share with the new baby.

Resting with Mommy

Daddy finally gets a chance to hold baby Joey.

Daddy went and brought big brother Ben to the hospital so we could all go home together. Here Ben is watching while Mommy dresses baby Joey to go home.

I spent the afternoon resting (and napping) while I watched the NASCAR race. At one point Ben decided he wanted to “be like Mommy” and joined me on the couch. When, oh when, will this pregnancy be over?