I want you to know I have figured out your secret recipe for your soup. Are you ready?<\/p>\n
1\/4 cup Rock chicken
\n1\/4 cup Rock potatoes
\n1\/4 cup assorted vegetables
\nWater<\/p>\n
How to make Rock chicken: take nice chicken meat, roast it at high heat until it is so tough even an adult couldn’t chew it after it’s been soaking in water in a can for months.<\/p>\n
How to make Rock potatoes: actually, I’m not sure, but it probably has something to do with Rock chicken. They’re definitely not raw, but I couldn’t cut them or mash them with a spoon or fork. Maybe they’re not potatoes…<\/p>\n
Vegetables: use only the ones that weren’t good enough for anything else. The more stems and other extracurricular material, the better.<\/p>\n
Yes, we know that the can is only 1\/3 full with what has been listed so far. But if you add water, that will fill it up. Since they have to chew the chicken so long, they’ll think there is a lot more of it and they’ll be glad there isn’t one more chunk than there is.<\/p>\n
Put it in a can with totally fake soup that looks really good on the front. Then laugh at them when they’re dumb enough to buy the store brand in a can instead of making their own.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I want you to know I have figured out your secret recipe for your soup. Are you ready? 1\/4 cup Rock chicken 1\/4 cup Rock potatoes 1\/4 cup assorted vegetables Water How to make Rock chicken: take nice chicken meat, roast it at high heat until it is so tough even an adult couldn’t chew […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[22],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-39","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-soapbox"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/life.tanapageler.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/life.tanapageler.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/life.tanapageler.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/life.tanapageler.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/life.tanapageler.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=39"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/life.tanapageler.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/life.tanapageler.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=39"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/life.tanapageler.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=39"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/life.tanapageler.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=39"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}